About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
