While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
