There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
