I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
