cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
