i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
