Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
