I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
