the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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