I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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