Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
