there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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