her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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