The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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