If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
