I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
i came on her dog
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
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