You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
