I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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