you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
