I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
