What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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