Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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