why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
