the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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