Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
His nipple licking is glorious
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