i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
