U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
there is puke in my bra ... again
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