It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
