It's like God shit irony all over that family
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
