My liver just broke up with me...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
