i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
