This girl is more easily done than said...
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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