we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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