My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
