took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
