He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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