New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
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