Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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