Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
These tits shall not be calmed
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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