If i come over, it means nothing
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
