GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
