So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
