Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
