Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
