Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
