it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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