next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
