Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
