He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
