I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
